Technology Fail

Rant warning!
Regular readers will know that I spend half my life traveling to and from London, and some of you will be aware of the many things which conspire to make those journeys as miserable as possible. If it’s not the 30 year old rolling stock (which Virgin Mainline decided were too old for them to keep using) breaking down, Pikies nicking the copper wire or trees falling on the overheads, it’s the wrong kind of snow/rain/sun* (*select as applicable). Now a new and even more despicable event has entered the fray. This one catches you unawares by striking AFTER you have got back to Norwich, it’s the automatic barriers on the platform, or rather the bio-ware barrier control executive who mans them.
Norwich station introduced the automatic barriers over a year ago, and they’ve not been able to read most of the tickets since they were installed. They’re fine for the day trip riff-raff, who only use their tickets once, but for us hardened commuters who spend nearly £8,000 a year for the privilege, they stop working after day 2.
The problem is that the mag strip on the back doesn’t like being near anything electrical (phone, blackberry, i-pod, lightning, whatever), and the ticket machine reciprocates by refusing to read it. It took us a few weeks but we managed to train the guys manning the gates that this was the case and that they could let us through by using old technology and reading the expiry dates and journey details which are thoughtfully printed on the front of every ticket (neat that).
Until this week!
Last night having been delayed yet again I arrived back home, late and tired, went to the manned barrier and showed him my ticket.
Him – “you’ve got to put it in the machine”
Me – “it doesn’t work”
Him – “you’ve got to put it in the machine”
Me – “it doesn’t work”
Him – “please put it in the machine Sir”
Me – “OK, but it doesn’t work”
Him – “It doesn’t work, I’ll pass you though”
Me – “I knew that”
So tonight when I arrived, and seeing it was the same person manning the barrier (who incidentally, says “good morning” to me most days when he is on earlies, and “Hi” most evenings when he is on lates), I showed him my ticket.
Him – “you’ve got to put it in the machine”
Me – “it doesn’t work”
Him – “you’ve got to put it in the machine”
Me – “it didn’t work yesterday, so it won’t work tonight”
Him – “I know that, but please put it in the machine Sir”
Me – “Why?”
Him – “Instructions! We have to try every ticket because the machine counts how many times the ticket has been used “
Me – “I fully understand that, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain it to me” (or something similar)
Him – “It doesn’t work, I’ll pass you though”
Me – “We both knew that”

Now I can understand that they want to catch the thieving gutter trash who use the train without paying, and the cheats who pass their ticket back to a mate for them to use as well, but my ticket is only valid with a photo id. Surely it’s not beyond the wit of management to allow their bio-ware to apply a bit of common sense and trust and when some poor sap who has been screwed out of 8 grand says “it won’t work”, to look at the ticket, look at the photo and say “that’s not a problem sir, let me pass you through as I can see you’ve had another shit day commuting to and from London”.
Or maybe it is

Happy journeys

Norfolk’n'Good

Going off the Rails

When you spend 25 hours a week sitting on a train like I do, you need to find something to keep you going. Whilst sleeping is certainly not at the bottom of the list, listening to podcasts comes a bit higher.
This week I thought I’d share some of the downloads that help me pass the hours watching Norfolk, Suffolk and Essex drift by (or Essex, Suffolk and Norfolk on the way home!).
Like most things in my life I have a pretty eclectic taste in podcasts ranging from comedy through sport to current affairs and factual. Some of the comedy ones are pretty near the mark (or well past the mark and coming round for a second time in a couple of cases), and I’ll flag those for anyone of a nervous disposition.
So, onto the list and Comedy first:
Answer Me This (Adult) Helen Zaltzman (sister of Andy in the Bugle below) and Olly Mann answer listener’s important questions such as; what happened to Findus pancakes, can you see Buzz Aldrins poo filled pants on the moon from the earth, and should a 14 year old boy ask out a 17 year old girl?

Best of Chris Moyles some would say it’s the music, but this is 40 minutes of the talking highlights. If you like CM you’ll enjoy the podcast.

The Bugle (Adult) Audio Newspaper for a Visual World. Presented by Andy Zaltzman (see above) and John Oliver (from SNL). Irreverent, satirical and off beat commentary on the past week’s news stories. Internationally loved for such classics as ‘hotties from history’, ‘wangs from around the world’ and ‘FU Chris’.

The Mitch Benn podcast (sweary lyrics) Mitch Benn is a musician who often appears on the Now Show (see Friday Night Comedy below), but this is his own podcast featuring comedy songs sent in by listeners. Oten very rude and frequently very funny, well worth a listen.

Friday Night Comedy podcast these alternate between The Now Show with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis and and The News Quiz hosted by Sandi Toksvig.  Always a Monday morning favourite.

As it occurs to me (AIOTIMA) (VERY adult) Comedian Richard Herring gives an un-edited live performance of stuff that has occurred to him in the past week. It’s now on the last series and I’d recommend you start at the first episode otherwise few of the jokes will make sense,  not that they make much sense anyway. This is not one for the faint hearted, you have been warned.

WTF (Adult) Marc Marron was a comedian in the US in the 80′s and 90′s. An alchoholic drug addict (who has been clean for 10 years now) he had hit bottom several times. I started listening to this quite early on (it’s now on episode 184), and it’s been fascinating to hear him change and get his career back on track (he’s back on the road and doing gigs across the US and even Australia). The format now is that he interviews other comics in his garage above Los Angeles. Whilst it’s unlikely you’ll have heard of many of them, as the podcast has got more publicity so bigger names have been appearing. Fascinating insights into the totally f***ed-up world of standup comedians. I love this one, but the f-bomb flies around pretty frequently.

Sick and Wrong (Adult) “The home of anti-social commentary”, this is at the extreme end of my listening range. To set the scene, it is sponsored by an adult toy web site Adam & Eve.com. Hosted by two American guys this podcast reports and comments on the dregs of society. Not one for your maiden aunt to listen to, but as the guys say “there’s some weird sh*t out there”.

So, that’s the comedy taken care of. Download them all and you’ll have nearly 6 hours of aural pleasure.

Let me know what you think.

Norfolk’n'Good

Another Year Gone By

Really tough this blogging thing. It hardly seems possible that it’s a whole year since I last put finger to keyboard, but it is, and in the true spirit of Groundhog Day the past 12 months almost mirrored the previous 12, (commuting, risk of redundancy, new job). I guess that’s the problem with getting older, there’s so much you’ve seen before and very little that’s really new.

So what’s prompted the sudden urge to share my innermost thoughts with the world (or at least the few who are lucky enough to stumble across my postings)?

To be honest it’s no one thing, more the onset of the latest mid-life crisis. Having burned up 2 score and 10 of my allotted 3 score and ten there’s more behind than in front (and no I don’t mean my backside) and the feeling that I really ought to be doing something to leave a mark. I’ve been meaning to start again for some time now, but just could not get round to it, but the resurrection of my Acer netbook (thanks Sam), and the onset of summer has got me inspired.

So let’s throw off the gloom bonnet and start to do a bit of sharing.

First and biggest has to be the promotion of the Canaries back to where they belong in the Premier League. Fantastic back to back promotions and we’ve gone from the ignominy of League One to the best league in the World (probably). Another momentous event was me passing my half century. Strange how when I younger, people seemed old at 30 or 40, and positively ancient at 50. Now I’m on the other side, we actually seem quite young. That’s something I’m going to explore in more detail in a later blog, kids today huh? Bloody Hell!

Late last year we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, which has to be worth some sort of mention in these days of divorce and separation. In true married couple fashion, Sandra got her present before the day and I only got mine 6 weeks ago! Still, I got a new camera (Fuji S4000 if anyone is interested) which has to be worth being married 25 years for. To see some of my better efforts follow this link to the MyFinePix site, I’ve also added a few below.
Now I’ve broken the writers block hopefully I’ll be back in a few days with something a bit more coherent.

TTFN Norfolk’n'Good

Where’s u Bin? (via Mardles from Norfolk)

Not too bad a weekend all things considered. Went to the gym first thing Saturday and had a really good workout, followed by a relaxing morning. It was the household authority's great-niece's first birthday party in the afternoon at a rather nice pub out in the country. Family came from all over and a pleasant time was had by all. Even the weather held up, and it was actually shorts and t-shirt weather so we were able to sit out in the garden rat … Read More

via Mardles from Norfolk

Where’s u Bin?

Not too bad a weekend all things considered. Went to the gym first thing Saturday and had a really good workout, followed by a relaxing morning.

It was the household authority’s great-niece’s first birthday party in the afternoon at a rather nice pub out in the country. Family came from all over and a pleasant time was had by all. Even the weather held up, and it was actually shorts and t-shirt weather so we were able to sit out in the garden rather than being cooped up inside.

Sunday was planned for the garden, so after helping number 2 son with his paper round, and doing the now obligatory 1 mile run back (being totally honest I pushed the first half mile too hard and had to stop before I had a heart attack, but I did then run the last few hundred yards, and still beat last weeks time), it was outside in the garage to stain the last few metres of edging.

By late afternoon the edging was dry enough to lay, so I ripped out the old wood and got ready to put the new in place. The sky was a bit dark and there was the occasional rumble of thunder, when all of a sudden it was monsoon season. Totally soaked before I could get back indoors, the edging was left to fend for itself. I finally managed to get back outside about 30 minutes later and another part of the makeover was complete.

The week itself has been pretty uneventful, I was back up in Edinburgh on Tuesday for an interview as a result of the latest reorg in the office. I’d already had one last Friday for another role, but it doesn’t matter how many times I go through the process I still find it a bit surreal describing yourself and your abilities to people who know you and your abilities. Should find out my fate in a few days, fingers crossed.
At least I managed to get on the right plane this time.

The biggest excitement was reserved for Thursday (bin day). My wife returned from work and our wheelie bin was missing! It’s often the case the the bin men (sorry refuse collection engineers), leave it outside the wrong house, or even several houses away, but this time it had disappeared. Despite investigations that would have done Miss Marple proud (and no I’m not suggesting they are of an age) she could not find it. So if anyone sees a lost wheelie bin, looking forlorn and unloved, let me know so that we can recover it and return it home.

NorfolknGood

Too chilly for chillis, and a close call in Scotland

So, Bank Holiday weekend, and as required by English law it’s cold, wet and miserable.
Number two son has a new paper round, and as this is the first day I’m going out with him to show him where the houses are. So at 7.30 on Saturday morning we’re up and out to make the deliveries. It’s only 20 papers, but they are so heavy they have to be split it into two parts, with the second set being left have way round. How do people find the time to read three Saturday papers and all the supplements? Still it only takes us half an hour and he was paid up front.

As soon as I get back it’s time for a bit of tidying up indoors and then out into the garden to get the lawn raked and cut. Just about get it finished as the proper Bank Holiday weather descends, and spend the last 5 minutes using an electric strimmer in a heavy drizzle. Survived without being electrocuted, although I should have probably used a circuit breaker just in case.

Sunday morning it was out early to help with the other paper round. This one is a bit longer and the papers are even heavier. The round finishes about a mile from the house, so as I’ve not managed to get to the gym yet this weekend, I decide to run back. Probably did it a bit quicker than last week, but the result was identical, about 10 minutes for the run and another 10 minutes to recover. Must be doing me good.

Wednesday I had to go to Edinburgh, the flight up there was great, clear skies and smooth, the day itself was successful with a good workshop, the fun came with the flight home. The meeting ran bit late so I didn’t get to airport until just over half an hour before departure, and I was only there for about ten minutes before the flight was called. I followed the crowd, handed my boarding card in and went downstairs to the apron. The plane wasn’t ready so we stood there for about 5 minutes and then boarded. At the top of the steps I handed my card to the stewardess who looked at it and told me I had the wrong one. I explained that the lady at the gate had the other part, and she then said, no, it was the wrong flight number. I’d got on the wrong plane! This one was going to Stornaway, which is about 180 degrees in the wrong direction. PANIC!
My flight was due to depart in about 10 minutes, no sign of where it was and I had to go back into the departures lounge. When I got back, my flight was closed and the staff had gone. I explained to the lady who had passed me through what had happened and her response was ‘too late’. She then tried to contact dispatch to see what had happened to the flight and whether I was going to be able to catch it (by this point I was trying to work out whether I’d be able to swing a nights accommodation and another flight on expenses – probably not). Luckily the flight had not closed and if I was quick they were going to hold it.
There then followed an embarrassing jog through the departure lounge following my new friend, who handed me over to the guy from dispatch who had been sent to get me, and then a very brisk walk across the tarmac to the plane, which was standing at the furthest gate from the terminal. Luckily I was in seat 2A so I didn’t have to perform the full ‘walk of shame’ but even so I could feel eyes burning into the back of my head.
So that’s how I became one of those people that we all hate when waiting to leave an airport. Sorry to all my fellow passengers.

On a lighter note, I’ve mentioned my garden a few times, so this week I thought I share a few photos of the stuff we’re growing. In previous years we’ve grown tomatoes (very successful) and strawberries (total failure), but this year we’re going all out. We have tomatoes, chillies, peppers, radishes and french beans.

So, there you go, another week passes, slightly more eventful than I’d expected (and I’m back up there next week), but at least it will teach me to pay attention.

NorfolknGood

Sunshine and Bluebells

Feeling hot, hot, hot!

The weekend was mostly spent in the garden as it was forecast to be the best weekend of the year so far, and astonishingly it lived up to the hype.

First thing on Saturday I went to the gym. Don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but I joined just after Xmas when I realised that unless I did something pretty soon i was not going to be troubling the pension fund. I’d gone beyond the stage of getting out of breath running up stairs, I was getting out of breath running a bath! I joined the one at the Norwich Sportspark, it’s only £4 a month and then you just pay £3 each time you go. The facilities are excellent and, whilst I’m never going to be a finely honed figure of a man, some difference is evident, and I’m feeling better for it. I try and go twice a week, but to my credit I’ve gone at least once a week since I joined.

We had to nip over to the Garden Centre in the morning to get yet more pink gravel for the non-planted bits, plus a couple of bags of slate to go round the base of the trees.

Once I’d stained another few metres of edging (with several more still to go), I set about remodeling the heather bed. Leastwise that’s how Alan Titchmarsh would probably describe it. The NorfolknGood gardener just dug out all the old ones that had grown thin and straggly, which turned out to be all of them. Pretty satisfying, and I discovered a number of rocks I’d forgotten were hidden there, but the next challenge was to get the dead plants over to the dump. I managed to fill the boot of the car with heathers and the back seat with a couple of bin bags as well.

On the way back from the dump I pass a small piece of woodland that is full of Bluebells. Last week it was looking pretty good, but I didn’t have my camera with me, so this week I made sure I did.

That’s one of the benefits of living where we do, the countryside is only a few minutes away.

Sunday morning I decided that I’d put my 5 months of fitness to a more public test and go for a run rather than go to the gym. It’s exactly a mile from our house to the bridge, and as I’d progressed to 20 minutes on the treadmill as my warm-up at the gym, I reckoned I could get there and back without looking a complete prat and having to walk the last bit.

The good news was that I managed it, the bad news was that at the pace I was running it would take me over 6 hours to do a marathon (I’ll let you do the sums), even if I was able to keep going. Still, one small step and all that.

Having totally knackered myself before breakfast, the rest of Sunday was more relaxing, with a barbie for lunch and sunburn in the hammock in the afternoon. I also managed to plant out some french beans whilst the household authorities filled all the hanging baskets and various pots. The garden should look a picture in a couple of months time. First piccies next week.

Every year in our garage we have wasps trying to build a nest, and each year I wait until they are almost ready to lay their eggs and then remove it. Seems bit unfair, but no wasps or larvae are harmed in the process.
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one up close or watched as they build them but they are fantastic examples of nature’s engineering. Made from chewing wood into a paste and then slowly building up the structure of the spherical outer case and the egg cases within a wasp can build one in only a few days. It’s a shame to have to remove them, but the alternative is just not going to work. Here’s a couple of photos of the one I removed this year. The diameter is about the same as a 50p piece.

The rest of the week passed without incident, although the trains seem to have got bored with running to time all the while, I guess summer must be coming!
It’s the Bank Holiday this coming weekend, so rain is pretty much guaranteed, but hopefully we’ll be off somewhere and I’ll have something to share next week.

Until then, I hope you’ve enjoyed this and enjoy the extra day off.

NorfolknGood

Pods-u-Like

21 May 2010

What a weekend!
From leaving the house at 8 o’clock Saturday morning to take number two son to football, to picking number one son up from his first day in gainful employment at 9.30 in the evening, interspersed with housework, going into the city and cutting the lawn, followed by going to the Gym at 8.30 Sunday morning, then the Garden Centre and then finally driving out to the coast for a quiet afternoon I guess it’s not surprising that I collapsed into a pathetic heap when we got home Sunday evening. Crashed out on the bed at about six o’clock with a splitting headache, and didn’t surface again until 5 am on Monday to go to work. As you’d expect, plenty of sympathy from the rest of the family. Not!

Anyway, work is the new rest these days, everything being relative. After all I only need to spend 14 hours a day from start to finish for my office life.

Given that I spend over 20 hours a week sitting on trains, I listen to loads of podcasts, so this week I thought I’d share some of my favourites with you to give you a flavour of where my tastes are (not necessarily a good thing).

My listening falls into three main areas, Sport, Comedy and Informative, and all together I have well over 20 different podcasts I download each week. This week I thought I’d share a selection from two of those areas.

So, starting with sport, most of them are football related and my favourite three are “The Game Podcast“ from Times online, which features the main football writers from the Times newspaper. I’d put it at the more highbrow end of football writing, featuring Gabriele Marcotti , Patrick Barclay and Alyson Rudd amongst others. The other main football one is “Chappers Premier League podcast“ hosted by Mark Chapman (of Chappers fame), who is joined by Kevin Day, and Graham (three yellows) Poll, along with Roy Meredith from Championship Manager who sponsor the podcast. This is well worth listening to if only for the banter between the presenters, especially when they pick on Poll. They generally come out on a Tuesday, unlike the third football one The “Coca-Cola Football League podcast“ hosted by Mark Clemmit which comes out on a Thursday. Having said that, as the season is over and the sponsors are changing that may not exist for much longer! The other one with a sporting theme is the Team Lotus podcast that is tracking the first season back in Formula 1 racing for the famous marque. My main interest here of course is that they are based a few miles up the road from me. Indeed the original team was even nearer at Ketteringham Hall, and one claim to fame I have is that my dad worked for Colin Chapman building his luxury yachts at JCL Marine based in Brundall in the 1970′s, the heyday of Team Lotus.

The next set of podcasts come under the general banner of comedy. This is one area where a person can really bare their soul and expose a side of themselves that is normally hidden. So here goes. The first few are pretty much mainstream UK humour and as such are pretty safe. The Friday Night Comedy podcast from BBC Radio 4 switches every week between The Now Show featuring Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis and The News Quiz hosted by Sandi Toksvig. An easy way to spend 30 minutes or so on a Monday morning train ride. Another safe one is the Best of the Chris Moyles show podcast. I have to confess the appeal of Moylsey is beginning to wear a bit thin, and the format is getting a bit predictable, but he can still make me smile, so why not.
I then start straying into the more alternative space with ones such as The Bugle from Times Online. This is a play on the nickname of The Times i.e. The Thunderer, and features John Oliver (of The Daily Show) and Andy Zaltzman. It’s a satirical and at times avant garde look at current affairs and is probably one of my favourites. Answer Me This podcast is a verysimple concept where listeners ring, write or e-mail questions to the presenters and get an answer. When I say that one of the presenters is Helen Zaltzman (Andy’s sister) and the other is Olly Mann, you will guess that these aren’t your normal questions or indeed answers.

From there we stray into the real remote regions of comedy that come with an adults only health warning. As It Occurs to Me (or AIOTM to it’s devotees) is a concept created by Richard Herring where he records a live performance which is then released unedited as a podcast. This is real warts and all territory, crude, rude and ranges from extremely funny to a total car crash. One of the highlights was when Richard referred to cumpkin rather than pumpkin in one episode, and then discovered that not only was it a real word but it was probably not broadcastable (look in the Urban Dictionary if you feel the need to know more).

I don’t generally find American comedy that funny, but there are a couple of podcasts I listen to from over there. WTF (What the F***), by Marc Maron has been improving since I’ve been listening. Marc is from the American alternative standup scene, and is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and generally pretty screwed up character. He’s generally chatting with other US comedians and at times the podcast comes across as a therapy session, but some of the stuff borders on laugh out loud funny, and the rest gets you in the real WTF mindset. Not one for the kids but worth downloading if you like that sort of thing. The final one is right at the extreme edge of bad taste, actually it’s probably past the extreme edge. Sick and Wrong addresses the total dregs of society (it’s sponsored by an internet sex catalogue which should tell you much of what you need to know), and the two guys who present it don’t use their real names. Having said that, as an insight into areas of society that normal people have no wish to enter it’s without competition. It is sick and it is wrong, but it can also be entertaining. This is definitely not one for the delicate, you have been warned.

Anyway, have a listen and let me know what you think.

NorfolknGood

A well hung Parliament

Where’s Frankie Howerd when you need him? Oh errr missus.

This isn’t a political blog, but I can’t let the events of the past week go by without comment. For the first time in my adult life I actually managed to vote for the winning candidate in a general election. True, it was a tactical vote for the Lib Dem candidate to remove the sitting Labour candidate in the hope of getting a Conservative government, but hey ho, I guess I got what I wanted. Sort of.

As someone who grew up in the 60′s and seventies, and, whisper it quietly, actually thought Maggie did a pretty good job by and large, I’m quite hopeful for the next few years. As long as everyone realises that as a country we are totally broke, can’t afford any luxuries and need to get real about what can be achieved then we have a chance of getting through it.

The cynical lying and cheating of the past 13 years need to be put behind us, and MPs need to realise they are servants not masters of their constituents.

After the thrills of the election result on Friday, the weekend was a real anticlimax, which just goes to show how little actually happened. The household authorities went to see her sister in Colchester on Saturday, leaving me with a nice list of jobs to do around the garden Unfortunately it didn’t stop raining all day so, other than running ‘dads taxis’ I had to stay indoors all day, apart from staining 24m of wooden edging.

Weather on Sunday was much better, and I managed to get most of the bedding plants out in the front garden as well as laying the 24m of edging and painting the garage door and fascias. Another restful weekend, setting me up nicely for the coming week. I’d love to know how people find the time to sit down and read the Sunday papers.

Monday and Tuesday were just normal, boring days in the big city. Get up, get on train go to office, get on train, get home, go to bed. One very scary thing that I might have mentioned before is that I am on total auto pilot in the mornings. If things aren’t where they are meant to be then they get ignored or forgotten. Case in point, the household authorities had made some really nice chocolate buns which I intended taking to work for the old mid-morning snack. They’re sitting in a tin on the worktop, next to the breadboard where I prepare my sandwiches. Totally in view, clear plastic lid, just need to take a couple out. Don’t see the tin at all, it’s not until I’m in the office that I remember the cakes, talk about tunnel vision.

Nice change on Wednesday as I had an offsite meeting at our offices on the Southbank. It’s a good 20-30 minute walk, but it was a nice afternoon so I was able to enjoy the views and take a few touristy photos.

Thursday was the evening when the Canaries had their parade through the city for being League 1 Champions. Unfortunately I had to be in London so I couldn’t be there as I had been for the previous parades in 2004 and 1972 (we don’t win things that often). The following links will take you to some of the videos and photos from the Pinkun .

Thursday was also marked by negotiations that made the Middle East peace process look like a stroll in the park. Number 2 son wanted to go to the local u17′s nightclub in the City called Open . It’s a brilliant idea, giving them somewhere to go that is guaranteed drink and drugs free. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he’d already been out during the week and had more than spent all his money, so the answer was “No” (nasty parents). He then spent Thursday bombarding me with texts with things he’d not do so as to save money, and reasons why he should be allowed to go, including the priceless “I’ve not had a planner mark for three weeks”, not entirely realising that not getting a planner mark is not a reason for celebration, more the expected default situation. In the end big softy Dad relented, and ended up driving Dad’s taxi to bring them home as well.

C’est la vie.

NorfolknGood

Back blogging

I’ve finally managed to get my thumb out of my nether regions and resurrect my blog. It’s so easy not to do something, but I’ve decided it’s time to share my life with the world again.

Far too much has happened since I last put finger to keyboard to cover it in any sort of detail, but as a three line summary: at work, I’ve gone from feeling reasonably confident, to being on notice of redundancy, to promotion, and now back to threat of redundancy; at home, number one son has been doing the first year of his A-levels (as an aside check out the following video for a cameo appearance of your’s truly , and number 2 son has just been himself!

So life has certainly not been dull on any of the fronts, with the Canaries getting promotion back to the Championship (I’m sure my decision not to renew my Season ticket played a large part in their success), the uncertainties about my job and the continuing frustrations of trying to get from Norwich to London and back without losing my sanity.

So, having covered the past 6 months in two paragraphs, let’s cover the last 7 days in a few more.

Last weekend we decided to drive across to the Shopping Village at Bicester , not entirely sure why, but it was a Bank Holiday weekend so you are obliged to drive somewhere. For those who have not been there it is essentially a purpose built ‘street’ of designer outlet shops located just outside an Oxfordshire town. Whilst the prices are typically 50% lower than retail, 50% off very expensive is still not cheap (I wasn’t allowed to buy the very nice Ralph Lauren jacket even though it did have £1800 off, as the remaining £650 was decreed as too much by the household authorities). It was a three hour drive there, and within a couple of hours we’d pretty much done the place, it actually took number 2 son and his mate about 30 minutes. Total booty comprised one T-shirt (me), and two t-shirts, two polo shirts and some Calvin’s (number 2 son). Not sure the savings justified the petrol. As it was still pretty early we decided that rather than head straight home we’d stop off at Central Milton Keynes . OMG! It’s been a while since I last went to MK, but I can see why it’s the suicide capital of the UK, depressing or what?

Total purchases at CMK, four pizzas, oh, and another t-shirt for number 2 son! Hope it’s a warm summer.

The rest of the Bank Holiday was also spent in traditional British fashion. Freezing my nuts off in the garden! Still at least it looks tidy.

Tuesday was spent working in the Norwich office as I had to fly up to Edinburgh in the evening. As I’ve said before, Norwich airport is great because you can roll up just a short while before you fly. Astonishingly there was no traffic on the roads so I actually got there nearly a hour before departure, which turned out to be quite fortunate as the ‘holiday flight season’ has started. Norwich is geared up for small numbers of passengers passing through departure control. If it’s 250 holidaymakers then it all goes to pot. As I arrived at the airport there was an enormous queue at check-in (luckily I’d already done so online), but there were already at least TEN people in front of me at the gate. Not too sure which bit of the ‘please remove, shoes, belts, metal items, jackets, and place them in the tray’ does not register (maybe it’s the multiplicity) but it was extremely painful to watch the process. Even more painful to be behind it in the queue!

Finally got through to be greeted by hundreds of the UK’s finest. It seems that an earlier flight had been delayed so over 200 people wanting to go to Majorca were trapped in the departure lounge, with nothing to do but wind me up. Most of them were ladies and gentlemen of a ‘certain age’, many of whom had clearly been in the vanguard of Spanish holidays in the 1970′s. There is something really depressing about seeing a guy in his 70′s proudly wearing a union jack t-shirt over his highly toned beer-gut. I’m not a snob (well maybe I am), but I was silently cursing Fly-Be and Norwich airport for not getting their act together and allowing me to use my exec lounge pass. Still, i-Pod on full volume and hunker down in a corner until the flight is called.

The flight was great, left on time, arrived early, and the taxi only took 5 minutes to arrive to take me to the hotel. Nice touch at the hotel when the receptionist welcomed me back (OK, I know it was only because their computer showed I’d stayed there before, but we all like to feel wanted), and settled in for an early night. Slight downer on the news as it was confirmed that the Icelandic volcano had managed to shut Irish airspace, but the rest of the UK was still open. Fingers crossed that I would be able to get back on Wednesday evening.

Nice chance for a lie in on Wednesday morning, didn’t need to get up until 6.30, full SCOTTISH breakfast, and then a gentle walk down to the office to get there before 8.30. Checked on the Internet to find out that the ash was meandering southwards and there was a chance of no UK flights departing. As the morning progressed it was looking more likely that the airport was going to be closed, and sure enough just before lunchtime it was time for plan B. Checked the train times, and the 1500 Kings Cross service from Waverley, with a change at Peterborough would get me home by about 2100. Left the office at 2, for a gentle stroll up the hill to the City centre and across to the train station. Massive queses of business people already at the booking office, so I just used the ticket machine and paid the same price (sometimes technology does work to your benefit). Due to the journey time I was allowed to travel in the ‘posh seats’, and luckily 5 years of London commuting has honed my selfish instincts well, so when the train arrived (bang on time, clearly not run by National Express), I was sitting comfortably at a single seat (Mr Unsociable or what?) before most of the Muggles had even got into a carriage. Just as well, as a number of people had to stand, even though they had posh seat tickets as well. Uneventful journey home, train arrived in Peterborough on time, connection arrived 10 minutes later (which has to be a good thing as no-one wants to stand on Peterborough station longer than is necessary), and arrived in Norwich on schedule. Just took a bit longer, but at least I’d reduced my carbon footprint by going by train.

Thursday was a normal day back in London, and was totally uneventful, even the trains behaved themselves, fanfare of trumpets preceded the announcement that we were arriving a whole 3 minutes early into Liverpool Street.

Friday I had to drive across to Kegworth, so I’d arranged the hire car the day before. There is always that sense of expectation as you wait to see exactly what ‘Class C’ car they are going to deliver. Will you even get a free upgrade (as happened before Christmas when I got a top of the range Vauxhall Insignia, just as well given the snow drifts I had to drive through)? The keys dropped through the letter box and like a kid on Christmas morning I excitedly looked out of the window to see… A Vauxhall Meriva!!! Let’s just say that the irritating kids on the advert suit the car to perfection. I’m sure it is a very sensible, small, MPV. It just looks crap, and I was going to have to drive it, in public, across the country. In fairness it did the job, in that it goes and stops, and if necessary can go almost quickly, but a BMW it certainly isn’t. The drive there and back was fine, very little traffic, although as it was almost all dual carriageway or Motorway, overtaking wasn’t going to be much of an issue, and got back home in time for tea.

So, there you have it. Another week in the like of NorfolknGood. Didn’t save nations or maidens in distress, but did enough to earn my crust for a bit longer.

Next week I should learn whether I have interviews for the roles I’ve applied for, or whether I need to find out how to obtain a few copies of the Big Issue just in case.

I’ll let you know.

NorfolknGood